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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23317903">you can think that you're in love when you're really just in pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_deprived/pseuds/sleep_deprived'>sleep_deprived</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Adult Losers Club (IT), Adult Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Divorced, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Eddie Kaspbrak-centric, Endgame Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, M/M, Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), Pre-IT Chapter Two (2019), Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris Lives</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:33:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23317903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_deprived/pseuds/sleep_deprived</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey Eds?”</p>
<p>“Don’t call me that!” Eddie had no idea why that was the first thing that flew out of his mouth. If he had to be honest, though, it almost felt like a reflex. The boy ignored Eddie’s sudden outburst and began to sing. </p>
<p>“Talking with my lawyer she said, ‘Where’d you find this guy?’” </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I said, ‘Young people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes.’”</p>
<p>“You’re fucking kidding me. Isn’t this that song the driver was listening to in the car earlier?”</p>
<p>“Some mistakes get made. That’s alright, that’s okay. You can think that you’re in love when you’re really just in pain.” That specific lyric hit on something deep in Eddie and, though he would never admit it, he knew exactly why. As if the boy in front of him could read his mind, he stopped singing and asked, “Are you really happy, Eddie? Or do you just think you are ‘cause you think this is the way it’s supposed to be?” Eddie felt his heart drop to his feet and his mouth go dry. “Who are you?” he opted to say, ignoring the question completely.</p>
<p>“You know exactly who I am, spaghetti.”</p>
<p>[or: Eddie dreams of a boy he can't remember.]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak &amp; Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you can think that you're in love when you're really just in pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I haven't wrote fanfiction since March of 2019, so bare with me here. This was my quarantine project.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>15 missed calls from Myra</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>4 new messages from Myra</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where are you? You said you’d be home by 11! - 11:00 pm</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why won’t you answer your phone??? - 11:00 pm </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Answer me right now Eddie!!! - 11:01 pm</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re worrying me! The streets of New York are no place for a man like you to be all by himself! I’m going to call the cops if you don’t answer this instant! - 11:01 pm</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I said I’d be home AROUND 11. I’m fine. - 11:02 pm</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Incoming call from Myra</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie sighed before powering off his phone completely and slipping it into his back pocket. Much to his wife’s dismay, he had gone out with some friends from work that night to celebrate a coworker’s birthday.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Drinks? Eddie-bear, you know how susceptible your organs are to damage!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“A couple drinks won’t kill me, dear,” Eddie replied tiredly while putting on his coat. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It could if someone slipped some awful drug into your cup!” she insisted. Eddie pushed past her and stepped out of the apartment, announcing that he’d be back around 11 before pulling the door shut behind him. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The uber pulled up then, drawing Eddie from his thoughts and back into reality. A few inpatient New Yorkers pushed past him, clearly annoyed with the man standing in the middle of the busy sidewalk. To avoid more cold glares, he slipped into the car and allowed himself to be swallowed by the smell of cheap car air freshener and the faint sound of a pop station playing on the radio. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You alright there, pal? You’re looking a little pale,” the driver asked while pulling off the curb. Eddie looked up to see the man glancing at him in the rearview mirror and noted that he couldn’t have been more than 25. He had a head of untamed brown curls and so much life in his eyes that Eddie almost felt blinded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He reminds me of someone, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eddie thought, though he had no idea who.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Just a little buzzed,” he answered with a weak smile. The driver nodded and turned his attention back to the road. He remained silent for all of two minutes before speaking up again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, do you mind if I turn the radio up? I love this song.” Eddie rested his head on the window and closed his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, that’s fine. Do what you want, kid.” The music grew louder and Eddie found himself hyper-focusing on the lyrics to distract himself from stressing over the inevitable lecture he was going to receive from Myra.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So I never really knew you</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>God I really tried to</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Blindsided, addicted</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Felt we could really do this</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But really I was foolish</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hindsight it’s</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Obvious</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Talking with my lawyer she said</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where’d you find this guy?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I said, “Young people fall in love”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“With the wrong people sometimes”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Some mistakes get made </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s alright, that’s okay </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You can think that you’re in love</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When you’re really just in pain </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Some mistakes get made </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s alright, that’s okay </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>In the end it’s better for me</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s the moral of the story babe</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve arrived,” the driver said, more enthusiasm than necessary shining through his voice. Eddie quickly paid and thanked him before stepping back out onto the street and entering his apartment building.  As he began the trek up the stairs to the third floor, he tried to mentally prepare himself for the argument he was about to have. It was no use, though, for Eddie was standing in front of the closed door of his apartment before he could even get one thought straight.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dammit,” he muttered before turning the knob. Myra was on him immediately, grabbing his head and violently whipping it back and forth to check for injuries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you alright?! Did anyone try to attack you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That doesn’t answer my question! Oh my god, someone did attack you, didn’t they?! This is exactly why you shouldn’t have gone in the first place! You’re too vulnerable! Bad people see you as an easy target!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t attacked, sweetie. I was with my friends from work the entire time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why weren’t you home at 11? You said you’d be home at-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“MYRA!” Eddie snapped, fed up with the whole argument and just wanting to go to bed. “I’ve told you already that I said I’d be back around 11!” He pointed towards the clock on the oven. “It’s 11:27!” Myra shrunk back as her expression changed from concerned anger to the face of an abused child. She did this quite often, playing the victim and hoping that her husband would pity her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you yelling at me?” she asked, her voice trembling. Eddie looked down at his shoes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, dear. I think I’m just tired. I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight.” He turned and walked down the hallway to his room before Myra could retaliate further. Yes, his room. The couple had stopped sharing a bedroom almost immediately after moving in together. It had caused too many uproars in their already estranged relationship. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’ll forget about it by morning,” Eddie whispered to himself even though he knew that she wouldn’t let him live it down for the next month. He quickly changed into a matching pair of flannel pajamas before flipping the lights off and slipping beneath the covers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Eddie opened his eyes to find himself underwater. He started flailing his limbs and choking while trying to fight his way up to the surface. When he finally broke through, he gasped for air and looked around. “What the hell? I must be dreaming. Where am I?” he asked no one in particular. He was in a small lake surrounded by towering, man-made cliffs of rock that were littered with trees. The sun was bright overhead and he almost had to squint to see across the water. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The quarry,” a voice answered from behind him. Eddie jumped and whipped around to be greeted by a boy no more than 13. He had mop of unruly, dark brown curls and coke bottle glasses that magnified his eyes to a comically large size. Eddie deadpanned and managed to get out an “oh” while he gathered his thoughts. “Why does that sound familiar?” Instead of an answer, all he got out of the boy was a sad smile. Eddie frowned and said, “Fine, don’t answer me then.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey Eds?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t call me that!” Eddie had no idea why that was the first thing that flew out of his mouth. If he had to be honest, though, it almost felt like a reflex. The boy ignored Eddie’s sudden outburst and began to sing. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Talking with my lawyer she said, ‘Where’d you find this guy?’” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I said, ‘Young people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes.’”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re fucking kidding me. Isn’t this that song the driver was listening to in the car earlier?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Some mistakes get made. That’s alright, that’s okay. You can think that you’re in love when you’re really just in pain.” That specific lyric hit on something deep in Eddie and, though he would never admit it, he knew exactly why. As if the boy in front of him could read his mind, he stopped singing and asked, “Are you really happy, Eddie? Or do you just think you are ‘cause you think this is the way it’s supposed to be?” Eddie felt his heart drop to his feet and his mouth go dry. “Who are you?” he opted to say, ignoring the question completely.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know exactly who I am, spaghetti.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie continued to have this dream for months. The scenery sometimes changed, but the message remained the same. He still had no idea who the boy was and was beginning to lose hope that he ever would. That is, until the day he received a call from Mike Hanlon and crashed his car.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eddie, please! You’re not thinking rationally!” Myra whined as she trailed Eddie to the door. “You must’ve hit your head in the crash.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have to go. I made a promise to some friends of mine a long time ago and I intend to keep it. I won’t be gone long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen to me, Eddie-bear! You can’t!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Tell me why I can’t go,” Eddie asked as he spun around in the open doorway to face her, suitcase in hand. He had to hurry or else he was going to miss his flight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you’re too fragile right now! You can’t do this by yourself! You’re basically meeting with strangers!” Eddie laughed and Myra gave him a look of confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ, Myra! You sound just like my mom!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Myra asked, gaping at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re…,” Eddie started to say as the reality of what he had just said smacked him in the face. “You’re just like my mother.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You can think that you’re in love when you’re really just in pain</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pursed his lips and looked her straight in the eyes. “When I get back, I want a divorce.” Myra watched in horror as Eddie slipped his ring off and let it fall to the ground before walking out the door. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And if I eat a cashew I could realistically…,” Eddie trailed off while talking to the waiter as two men came into view. The losers had all agreed on meeting at the Jade of the Orient, and Eddie had just arrived after getting off his flight an hour ago. “Die. Holy Shit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eddie?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mike? Bill?” Both men in front of him started to laugh before engulfing him in a hug. “This is crazy,” was all Eddie could think to say while returning the gesture. They pulled apart and looked at each other in exasperation. “How have you been, man?” Mike asked as he placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it hasn’t exactly-” Eddie was cut off by the loud sound of a gong being struck as it vibrated throughout the small space.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This meeting of the losers club has officially begun.”  He turned around to find three new people standing in front of him. “Look at these guys,” Eddie laughed nervously. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben, Beverly, and- </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie choked on his spit and nearly fell backward into the fish tank when his gaze landed on the third man. He closed his eyes tightly while he caught his breath, and when he opened them the man was no longer there. Instead, there was a boy, no more than 13, with a mop of unruly, dark brown curls and coke bottle glasses that magnified his eyes to a comically large size. The boy from his dreams. The boy </span>
  <em>
    <span>of </span>
  </em>
  <span>his dreams. The boy he had been in love with since long before he even knew what love was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Richie,” Eddie whispered. He blinked and adult Richie was back, smiling at him unknowingly before pointing at the man next to him, making a hand motion around his stomach and mouthing “Ben”. Eddie gulped, one thought running rampant throughout his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m fucked.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I just need to get drunk. I can’t deal with this shit sober, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eddie thought to himself helplessly as he knocked back another shot. Richie had already asked if Eddie had been married, to which he had snapped back with “Yeah, why’s that so fucking funny, dickwad?” He neglected to mention the fact that he was getting divorced. “What, to like, a woman?” Richie had persisted, clearly trying to get a further rise out of Eddie. Not knowing what else to say as he began to internally panic, Eddie threw out a “fuck you bro” before turning back to his food. Richie had laughed at that and yelled a “fuck you” back. And then, of course, Richie later made a joke about Eddie’s mom, which had been funny as hell but Eddie would have to be caught dead before admitting that. “Please tell me you ended up becoming a doctor, Eds,” Beverly asked, pulling Eddie from his mental replay of what had happened in the past hour.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, uh, I ended up becoming a risk analyst.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, that sounds really interesting. What does that entail?” Richie asked from beside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, so I work for, like, a big insurance firm-” Eddie was cut off by the sound of Richie’s obnoxious snoring and the snickering from his friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you, dude. Fuck you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was this job invented before fun?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s so not funny.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is funny!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nice to see nothing’s changed,” a new voice interrupted from behind them. “I can’t believe you losers started the party without me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Staniel! So nice of you to join us,” Richie said, a smile spread wide across his face. Stan smiled back at him before looking down to see that the only empty seat left was between Eddie and Richie. “No way in hell am I sitting in between you two. Scooch over, Rich.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? You afraid of catching Eddie’s cooties?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t have cooties, asshole,” Eddie said while kicking Richie under the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just don’t want to be stuck between you two insufferable morons,” Stan explained, all but pushing Richie out of his seat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wound me,” Richie whined as he finally gave in and scooted next to Eddie. The close proximity made Eddie’s face heat up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I need another drink, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought desperately. The losers began a new conversation about Stan’s job as he reached for another shot glass from the middle of the table. “You’re just going at it tonight, Eds!” Richie laughed, ignoring the others and  choosing to talk to the man beside him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck off, man. I’ve had a rough couple days.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trouble in paradise?” Eddie choked on his drink and hoped Richie didn’t notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t exactly call it paradise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, so that IS the problem. What, did you buy the wrong milk at the grocery store or something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told her I wanted a divorce,” Eddie blurted out before his brain had any time to catch up to his mouth. Richie’s playful expression fell into one of……..well, Eddie couldn’t actually tell. Concern? But also hopeful? Possibly? One could dream. Feeling the need to fill the silence, Eddie opened his mouth and let anything that would come fall out. “It’s just, as soon as I got that call from Mike, it was like someone hit me in the face with a brick. Hell, I even crashed my car! As the memories began to flow in I started to remember the bad things about my mom. And then Myra, that’s my wife’s name, she wouldn’t let me leave, Rich! I felt like a kid again! She kept telling me I couldn’t do it on my own! That I was too weak and vulnerable! That’s when I realized that she was just like her. I married my mom, Richie! I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eds, stop! You don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s okay.” Richie placed a hand on Eddie’s back in an attempt to soothe him. That’s when Eddie realized that, for the first time since he had left Derry for college, he was having a panic attack. “Just breathe, man. You’re okay. You’re here with us now.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Here with you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eddie caught himself thinking before he bit his tongue to avoid giving the thought a voice. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Richie added, his voice a bit quieter than before. The others still hadn’t noticed them having their own private conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Rich,” Eddie said, offering Richie a weak smile. “Let’s….talk about something else. What have you been up to?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you haven’t heard?” In less than a second, a smile had returned to Richie’s face and his enthusiasm showed through his voice once more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be asking if I already knew, dipshit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m honestly hurt, spaghetti. I thought I was more famous than that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You? Famous? Now that’s the funniest thing you’ve said all night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If that’s the funniest thing I’ve said all night, I must be a shit comedian.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re joking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the truth! Richie Trashmouth Tozier, world-renowned comedian!” Richie was waving his hands frantically to try and get the point across and Eddie, to his own horror, </span>
  <em>
    <span>giggled like a schoolgirl</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not even funny!” Eddie laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why are you laughing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- fuck you!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell you what, Eds,” Richie said, resting his elbow on the table. “Let’s settle this like men. If I beat you at arm wrestling, you have to admit that I’m a chuckalicious </span>
  <em>
    <span>riot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And if I win?” Eddie asked while bringing his arm up to the table to match Richie’s. With a grin, Richie shrugged and grabbed Eddie’s hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever you want, spaghetti man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Deal. On the count of three. One, two, three!” Richie was stronger than he looked. Eddie couldn’t help but notice how the muscles in Richie’s arm flexed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Let’s take our shirts off and kiss!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Eddie practically screamed in his head like a horny, awkward teenager. He started to  laugh at himself but stopped immediately when he saw the look on Richie’s face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! I said that out loud, didn’t I?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Richie was frozen and, in a moment of panic, Eddie slammed his arm down. “I win.” Richie just continued to stare. Before Eddie could even begin to explain himself, the waitress brought a plate of fortune cookies to the table and they had bigger problems to deal with.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie was on his back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. The losers had returned to the town house hours ago after the fortune cookie incident that had served as a rude wake up call as to why they were actually back in Derry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We might die tomorrow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eddie thought silently to himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We just got each other back and now we might die because of that stupid fucking clown! I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to lose them again. I don’t- </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eddie was crying now, alone in his own head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to lose Richie again. I don’t want to die without him knowing how I feel. How I’ve always felt.</span>
  </em>
  <span> With that thought in mind, Eddie swiped at his face with the back of his hand and stood up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I have to do it now. I have to be brave. I can be brave. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He turned the knob and stepped out into the empty hallway. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I can do this. I owe myself this much.</span>
  </em>
  <span> The walk to Richie’s door felt like a walk to the slaughter house. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And if this doesn’t go well, we don’t ever have to see each other again once Pennywise is dead.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Eddie winced at the thought of never seeing Richie again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just do it, you idiot. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He knocked on Richie’s door three times before it opened. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s up, Eddie?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just breathe, Kaspbrak.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We might die tomorrow.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Real fucking smooth.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m….well aware, man,” Richie said, scratching his head and staring down at the smaller man in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In case we don’t make it out of this with our lives, I need you to know something.” Richie squinted at him, something unrecognizable in his expression. “You said I could get anything I wanted if I beat you at arm wrestling, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but what do-” Eddie cut Richie off by grabbing his face and pulling it close to his own. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Here goes nothing. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you don’t like it, tell me to stop.” And then he closed the distance between them, his lips crashing into Richie’s. Richie gasped into his mouth before grabbing eagerly at Eddie and deepening the kiss. They stumbled backward into Richie’s room, the door getting kicked closed by a stunned Eddie. Eddie’s hands started to roam up Richie’s shirt as they fell onto the bed. Just as Richie’s tongue slipped into Eddie’s mouth, Eddie’s brain finally caught up with his heart and he pulled away. “Why’d you stop?” Richie whispered, eyes still closed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you?” Eddie said, refusing to believe Richie wanted the same thing that he did until he heard it out of his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Cause I’ve been in love with you since we were 13, you asshole!” Richie laughed, resting his forehead against Eddie’s. Eddie laughed too, an airy chuckle that tickled Richie’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, Rich.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie fell asleep in Richie’s arms that night. For the first time in months, he didn’t dream of a boy that he didn’t remember. He dreamt of the future waiting for him and the boy outside of Derry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>EVERYBODY LIVED AND RICHIE AND EDDIE GOT MARRIED AND ADOPTED A POMERANIAN</p></blockquote></div></div>
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